


Defying Gravity

by dream_painter



Series: Critical Role Prompts [6]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Angst, Boys In Love, Cerberus Assembly (Critical Role), Character Death, Disabled Essek Thelyss, Essek Thelyss Has Chronic Pain, Essek Thelyss Needs a Hug, Essek Thelyss-centric, Fantastic Racism, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Pining Caleb Widogast, Revenge, Sadly, Song: Defying Gravity (Wicked), Trent Ikithon Being an Asshole, but it is only Trent who is a racist, essek dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27410374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dream_painter/pseuds/dream_painter
Summary: Essek learned early that to rise you had to defy gravity. Anf to somtimes have faith that someone would catch him. And they would. eventually.
Relationships: Deirta Thelyss & Essek Thelyss, Essek Thelyss & Verin Thelyss, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss, past Trent Ikithon/Bren Aldric Ermendrudd (implied)
Series: Critical Role Prompts [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915762
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	Defying Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> Hi  
> I apologise for not writing, but I had a lot on my plate the last few weeks. University started and I am DMing my first ever game tomorrow.  
> this is also pure angst.  
> I was listening to some musical song playlist and then defying gravity from wicked came on and my mind immediatly went to Essek. Floaty Hot Boy.  
> So this happened:
> 
> Bold text is for the lyrics  
> italics for the past  
> normal is the present
> 
> You have been warned: Essek dies. Like for real.
> 
> I also have no idea about wicked. like at all.  
> And i neither own Critical Role, nor the song nor the musical it is from.  
> With that said,  
> enjoy?

**  
Essek son, why couldn't you have stayed calm, for once!  
Instead of flying off the handle!  
**

_  
His father was home early. He was to leave in the morning just as early.  
Essek ground his teeth behind, empty smiling lips as he watched the servants pour wine for his family. It was red, to commend the occasion.   
Or to prophesy the blood his father would undoubtedly spill at Bazzoxan. Be it his own or that of the beasts lurking behind the Umbra Gates.  
“Dear, we are so happy you got this job.”  
“It came as quite the surprise, to be spoken to by the Headpriestess herself. It truly was an honor.”, his father smiled at his mother.  
“Maybe next time I can come with you, when I have finished my echo knight training. It certainly sounds exciting to be chosen by the Luxon itself!”  
“Verin, why are you so excited that an object chose our father to throw away his life for nothing?!”, he knew it was wrong to explode like this.   
He had been taught better. But this, to just trust something so blindly? He could not do it.  
“The Luxon is our god! Show respect, Essek!”  
“Why Father, do you fear to hear the truth I have to say? Do you fear it would shatter the lies this artifact has bewitched you all with?”  
“Essek, stay calm. You are the current firstborn of Den Thelyss. I expect you to act like it.”, his mothers tone was like ice.  
_

**  
I hope you're happy  
I hope you're happy now  
I hope you're happy how you've  
Hurt your cause forever  
I hope you think you're clever  
**

_  
His father’s chair scraped over the floor. The sound echoed in the chamber as did, the form of his fathers. One of his possible timelines ushered the servants out of the rooms and closed the door. Then his father turned to Essek. His eyes hard and cold.  
“Essek. Think about what you say. It all will impact your standing in this city. You will only hurt your career.”  
“I do not care about that! Why would you just blindly trust this god, we have no prove of?”  
“Every consecution is prove of the Luxons power. Now apologise. Properly.”  
“Well, the consecution did not work for me. Does that make me untouchable by your god? I hope for all our sake, that you-”  
“And I hope for all our sake, that you will not finish that sentence, son”, interrupted the Denfather.  
“I hope the Luxon will ignore you in your moment of greatest need! Trust blindly if you want, I will not!”  
His father sneered and left. The great doors swinging shut behind him. The sound echoing through the cold room, his echo staying behind.  
_

**  
I hope you're happy  
I hope you're happy too  
I hope you're proud how you would  
Grovel in submission  
To feed your own ambition  
**

_  
Deirta now also stood. With more grace and poise than her husband. But with no less ice in her glare.  
“Essek. I will not have you disrespecting the Luxon. Or your father. You are a disgrace for this family. Think about your actions and you could make it very far.”, with a short hand motion, the echo of her husband disappeared.  
“As far as you, mother? Groveling before an object pretending to be a god? Or before a queen to old to realize her crown is worth more than her faith? Every last one of the people in the outskirts don’t give a shit about the Luxon or the crown. They would trade both for food in a heartbeat. A queen appointed by a fake god, that is no right to rule.”  
_

**  
So though I can't imagine how  
I hope you're happy  
Right now  
**

_  
“And you little brother. What makes your life so great? Training to be a knight to earn glory and renown? Or simply to die to get away from it all?”  
_

**  
Essek, listen to me.  
Just say you're sorry!  
**

_  
Verin did not rise from his chair. He was the respectable son of Den Thelyss.  
“I forgive you for your harsh words brother. Please can’t we just have this last dinner as a family in peace? Just apologize Essek.”  
“I will not forget them, son. But you will.”  
With a blinding light, all that remained of the dinner, were heated last words cursing his father and the sense of losing something.  
_

**  
You can still be with the Wizard  
What you've worked and waited for  
You can have all you ever wanted  
**

“Ah, Shadowhand. How nice of you to join us. I have heard you met my former student.”, a smile graced the face of Trent Ickithon.  
“I indeed have. But this will not be the topic of discussion. I want my share of the research. Now.”  
“Oh, I assure you. You will have it. You have worked on it after all.”  
“Then where is it? Ludinus good to see you.”, Essek nodded his head slightly as the older elf entered the chamber.  
“It is here, but Trent wanted to offer something first, didn’t you?”  
“Ah yes. My spies have told me about your close bond to these Mighty Nine. Truly irritating creatures. I have a proposition: I could have them all killed within five minutes. But if you betray them for us, you may keep Bren alive. I have it on good authority that he is a marvelous toy. However you would want to use him.”  
“His name is Caleb. And they are my friends.”

**  
I know  
But I don't want it  
No!  
I can't want it anymore  
**

Essek felt dirty. His mind had been toying with accepting the proposal for just a split second, but even that was to much. It was truly disgusting. He felt bile rise in his throat. Why was he so bad at being good? At changing for the better?   
Caleb had once said they were mirrors of each other, but Caleb was actively pouring gold in the cracks.   
Essek was using the pieces to torment everyone he cared about. The Mighty Nein could be hurt, his brother might be hurt. All because he could not learn to be better, to heal instead of kill.   
Caleb was a fool if he loved him, he would only break his nearly finished mirror again. He could never do that. He could not have them think a disappointment.

**  
Something has changed within me  
Something is not the same  
I'm through with playing by  
The rules of someone else's game  
Too late for second-guessing  
Too late to go back to sleep  
It's time to trust my instincts  
Close my eyes  
And leap  
**

_  
“Ah, Deirta! How lovely to see you. I guess this are your sons? They look just like their mother.”, Essek had lost count how many nobles had said the exact same thing. The compliments were all the same. As were the comments behind his family’s back.  
The comments about his legs. About the disgrace of the Den. Of it’s weak heirs. Even though Verin was just a few months old.  
Strangely no one talked about the way Essek’s nerves had been injured in the first place. So once the gathering was over, he asked:  
“Mom-Mother, do they not know that I protected Verin?”  
“Of course they do not! Why would I let such a disgrace get out into the world. You simply had an accident with your weak magic when you attempted a much more powerful spell.”, his mothers voice was filled with poison, but Essek was used to a little sting with compliments.  
“But I thought you said my magic was powerful for someone my age? That I might be a great wiz-”, his question stopped as his cheek was struck.  
“Your weak magic, your arrogance, and your mistakes lead to you being a disgrace. If you had been more powerful, you would have been able to hold your shield longer.”, Deirta’s grip became painful as she shoved Essek into his room.  
“Until you have redeemed yourself, I will be with the son who has not disgraced the family yet.”_

_Redemption was such a big word. But Essek tried with all his might. He could not stand on his own for a long time. But it would have to be enough to reach the book with the spell he needed. It was late, but he could not give up. He was nine, he should be able to withstand the pain.  
The book was heavy and sent him sprawling on the floor.   
“The secrets of Gravity by Isaac New-ton”, this should help him gain his mothers favor._

_Weeks passed. Essek learned. He could walk for longer stretches of time. But never without pain.  
Weeks passed. Essek learned. His magic got stronger. He could lift the statue of the cat in the gardens.  
Weeks passed. Essek learned. Smile when in pain.   
Essek learned. He slept less, but wrote more.   
In the darkest night of the year, he had finished his learning._

_His legs did not hurt, as they were asleep, when he walked out on his balcony. The night air was crisp, and he could see light still in his parents room. Verin’s room was dark, which meant the toddler was asleep. Which was good, if Essek’s experiment failed, he would not have wanted his brother to witness it.  
Slowly Essek climbed onto the banister, after a short breath he jumped_

_and fell_

_and fell  
the ground was coming   
close  
closer   
closercloserclosercloser_

_“tiu”_

_arcane magic followed his breath and stopped his fall. He was hovering about two inches over the ground.  
_

**  
It's time to try defying gravity  
I think I'll try defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down  
**

The Cerberus Assembly held the power of the arcane in Wildemount. They had the kings ear and pulled his strings.   
Every bright mind there was sharper than the next.   
They held the magnetic field pulling at the potential around them, even though they were not Dunamists.   
They were a force of nature.   
A gravitational field.  
But they were twisted. Power over compassion, manipulation over second chances.

“His name is Caleb. And they are my friends.”, His voice echoed and another possibility arose. “You should have never threatened my DEN.”

**  
Can't I make you understand  
You're having delusions of grandeur?  
**

“Please, those mercenaries are not worth your loyalty. You could have anything in the world. Power riches, knowledge.”  
“You also can not really be so delusional as to think you can take both of us. I am sure infatuation only gets you so far.”  
“You said I could have anything in the world, Ludinus. Well I choose the Nein.”  
“Then you are weak! Attachment is the first thing I remove from my students, someone should have taught you that lesson long ago, crick!”  
“Maybe I am being weak. Having such blind faith and devotion to friends...”

**  
I'm through accepting limits  
'Cause someone says they're so  
Some things I cannot change  
But till I try I'll never know  
Too long I've been afraid of  
Losing love, I guess I've lost  
Well if that's love  
It comes at much too high a cost  
**

“...but if they believe in me, I can believe in them.”, Essek grabbed a pearl and cast Fortunes Favor. Instead of the cool, water-like feeling washing through him, Essek could have sworn he felt soft lips touch his forehead and a fire surging through him.  
Then the fire was surging around him as well, a well placed fireball from Trent hitting him square in the chest.  
But his inner fire burned hotter than the one conjured by hate.  
Essek knew there were things he could never make right again. He had started a war, he had betrayed the Nein for knowledges sake and he had been ignorant to it all.   
He lost his right to knowledge, his right to power.   
But the one thing he had not lost was Caleb. His love for knowledge was a hunger a need, a craving. His love for the other man was born from something else. The first flowers formed from his thawing heart, and he would gladly make them into a bouquet for Caleb and smile at the red ribbon around the stems.  
He would always cherish knowledge, but he had lost his love for it.

**  
“I'd sooner buy defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!”  
**

Jester was surprised to hear Essek’s voice. She had not send him a message before hand. And then he had to make his first message so stupid. Like why send a riddle, if he wanted to do that he should have sent it to Caleb.  
“You guys, Essek just messaged me. And it was like really weird. And he sounded tired.”  
“Great now we have two riddles!”, Beau grumbled as Jester relied the message. But Caleb’s face falling made her stop before she could insult the drow further.

**  
Essek, come with me.  
Think of what we could do together!  
Unlimited  
Together we're unlimited  
Together we'll be the greatest team  
There's ever been, Caleb!  
Dreams the way we planned 'em  
**

_  
“You know, this reminds me of a story.”  
“What story? I certainly do not know any with two wizards just studying together, Herr Essek.”  
Essek let his eyes wander through the study and the wild assortment of books. Including the ridiculous amount of smut novels.  
“I do not remember all of it, it has been a while since Verin -my brother- wished to hear the story every night.”  
“So it is a fairy tale?”  
“In a way. I just remember the scene where the two witches, best friends and many believe to be lovers as well, have an argument about love. It really is not pretty, but I always felt a kinship to the drow witch in the story. Her friend the aasimar was way to cheery for my tastes...anyway this witch was the first to inspire my own spell of hovering. I don’t remember much of her song, but one verse”, Essek blushed as he began to sing.  
“I'd sooner buy defying gravity  
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity  
And you can't pull me down!”  
His voice was a bit rough and no match for Marion’s but Caleb found it perfect. And felt the resilience and the rebellion behind the words. But also the hurt of pulling away for defiance sake.   
_

**  
If we work in tandem  
There's no fight we cannot win  
Just you and I, defying gravity  
With you and I defying gravity  
They'll never bring us down!  
Well, are you coming?  
I hope you're happy  
Now that your choosing this  
**

A well placed green beam taunted Essek. Ludinous just smirked. Trent laughed as he released another firebolt.   
“You could’ve had this Thelyss! I hope you will be happy when we send you to hell.”  
“Do not despair, maybe we will send you company soon. I can not imagine that your so called family will follow you here. They did not even answer you, did they?”  
“Trent. We do not have to send him company. He will already have some. Devils and Demons. Fitting just one more monster for the plane of monsters.”

**  
You too  
I hope it brings you bliss  
**

“Or maybe the Nein will send you to Hell, I hear there is a special place for abusers like you!”

**  
I really hope you get it  
And you don't live to regret it  
I hope you're happy in the end  
I hope you're happy my friend  
**

_  
It really wasn’t much of a choice. Sure he could try to lie to the Nein again, but what it help? They already hated him enough. He just hoped that whatever decision they made for him, would not hurt them.  
Caleb had threatened him with not seeing the sunrise, but Essek was sure that if someone would really kill him, it would not be Caleb.   
And he would not want his death on any of their hands.   
Maybe if they decided to really execute him, he could offer to do it himself.   
That at least would be a certain way of a quick death.  
_

**  
So if you care to find me  
Look to the Western sky!  
As someone told me lately  
Everyone deserves the chance to fly  
And if I'm flying solo  
At least I'm flying free  
To those who ground me  
Take a message back from me!  
**

“We are here now.”  
“The difference between you and I is thinner than a razor”  
“leave it better then before”  
“Essek needs to make a lot of babies...” ?  
“Welcome to the Mighty Nein!”

“Trent, Ludinous. Even if you kill me, you will lose. I will die having done the right thing, standing up to you and saying: No more.”, Essek smiled, tasting iron in his mouth.   
“And if you see the Mighty Nein, tell them I tried to leave it better. You can even gloat that I failed. But it will make no difference, you are going to burn!”

**  
Tell them how I am defying gravity  
I'm flying high, defying gravity  
And soon I'll match them in renown  
And nobody in all of Ex (andria)  
No wizard that there is or was  
Is ever gonna bring me down!  
**

It certainly wasn’t easy fighting two master wizards alone, but it would be worth it. His right eye was swollen shut and his mouth tasted like iron constantly. Breathing was a chore. But he would at least tried to fight. Tried to be better.   
And the best part of himself was already gone anyway. His magic was in good hands.  
Caleb would find good uses for it. As would he for his heart. It was only fair that the one who first cracked the ice should have the final result.  
Even if the Assembly killed him right here, right now. He would be remembered by the Nein.   
And living in memories along side the one he owed his second chance to, does not sound to bad.

**  
“I hope you're happy  
**

Thank you for everything, Caleb. I mean it. The studying, the spells, the time. You lending me Frumpkin… ”

**  
Look at him  
He's wicked  
Get him!  
**

A smile curled across Trents face as he looked at the beaten form of the Shadowhand. He was no more than an unruly child.   
Fitting really that Bren had fallen in love with it.   
Ludinous just nodded ”Be my guest.”

**  
Bring me down!  
**

… I... lov-”  
Caleb gripped the ritual chalk tighter to not let it fall, as Essek’s message broke. So did the spell. Which could only mean one thing...

**  
No one mourns the wicked  
So we got to bring him  
**

It really was to easy. For all the Shadowhand boasted about being a prodigy, he died just as quickly as a novice.   
And with the acid, it wasn’t a clean death.   
Monsters did not deserve a clean death.

**  
Ah!  
**

A blinding light, captured the attention of Trent. There the guard dogs of the monster had come crawling. With weapons and magic that seemed rudimentary, against two mages so accomplished as them.

**  
Down!  
**

Just as they excited the circle Caleb saw Essek fall. The acid still dripping from Trent’s hands. With a shout he saw the others charge.   
He just managed to catch Essek, whose gravity field failed. With a sob Caleb gently laid Essek on the ground.   
Kneeling next to the drows body Caleb frantically searched for a pulse.   
For a heartbeat.   
For anything.

He found cold and silence.

Anguish and sadness ripping his soul and heart into pieces, Caleb stood. His head lowered and his fists shaking. Tears dropping onto the still face of Essek.  
The air became warm.   
Then it grew hot.  
Then unbearably scorching.

And with hatred like a thousand suns burning in his eyes and head wreathed with a crown of flames, his fists alight with the fires of hell, Caleb turned to the ones who had harmed his loved ones.

**Author's Note:**

> tui means fly in undercommon


End file.
